A Crying Baby

Holy Smokes! What a night we had last night...actualy, what a day I had yesterday. Poor Ryder was so upset...if he was awake, he was crying and because he was crying I couldn't get him to go to sleep. My poor husband came home from work and stayed stressed out. We tried walking, bouncing, patting, swing, bouncy chair, mylecon drops, putting him over our knees and patting his back, laying him on the dryer...nothing worked. I got in a warm bath with him and Pat and I were amazed that he calmed down...for a minute. Pat was finally able to put him to sleep ...he was HUNGRY!!! That child ate 4 oz every hour and a half yesterday...when I sat and thought about it I realized he was hungry because he had spit most of it up from the crying. It was a frustrating day. I didn't get any cleaning or laundry done and Pat had to bring home dinner.
Today is a different story. After a good night's rest, my Baby Bear is taking a nap, smiling, poopoo-ing, and eating without spitting up...I sent some pictures to my family and they were so happy to see him...and he was smiling in some of them...
Today is going to be a great day...Im watching Saved by the Bell while baby boy sleeps...hopefully during his next nap, I can shower and clean up....

What Now?

Ryder and I finally made it tothe east coast. Being here is a huge relief, though it has also brought some of it's own stresses. I've never been this far away from my family and friends. I mean, there is absolutely NOBODY here that I can call up and say 'hey, mind if I come over?' (Plus I don't have a car here, so I am completely isolated from civilization.) Ryder and I take daily walks around the neighborhood and to the local NEX. We know the store attendents, who absolutely love him, but that's about it. As much as I love being out here with my husband and being a family...I miss my job, I miss MY paycheck, I miss my friends, and I miss my family. It gets lonely during the day when my hubby is at work and I'm home alone with Ryder. I have an opportunity to interview to go back to work, to have some 'big people' time, but I feel absolutely horrible about leaving Ryder in a daycare. I am so torn about it. I mean, what kind of mother am I to actually want to take him to a daycare and go to work. I'm crying about it right now...But we could really use the money. I want to be able to help support my son and give him the best life he could possibly have.Plus, I'd like to be able to afford some of our "wants", too. Especially Ryder's when he gets older.
I don't know. Maybe I've just had an off day. Maybe I'm a little too lonely and just need to get out. Maybe post pardum has hit me harder than I realize. Who knows...I just know that in this moment...right now...I want something more. And that makes me feel horrible...that my family doesnt seem to be enough. I love my husband and my son more than anything...I would die for them both...I'm just confused I guess...
It's not all poor, poor me...Ryder and I love being with daddy now. Below are some pictures of our trip out here and seeing daddy for the first time in 4 weeks...way too long...