Shape Up

Well, my last post was in 2014 and it is now 2018. It's been a hot minute to say the least. I am pretty sure no one reads my blog regularly, especially since I haven't been posting, but I am going to try to update more often if for no other reason but to get things off my chest and have a record of things that have happened.
Since 2014, I have started a job in labor and delivery and I absolutely love it. I've lost 2 babies (1 a girl but she had an extra set of chromosomes - XXX - ), undergone 2 D&C's and have had 1 chemical pregnancy. Through those losses, I've struggled with my joy but I have held strong to my belief that God loves me more than I can imagine and He has been able to use my losses to allow me to connect to my patients and provide better care.
In March of this past year, my husband and I found out we were pregnant. Because I work in L&D, my OB was able to help me monitor this pregnancy more closely than if I was a "normal" patient. We held the news back because of our history but were thrilled when we were able to announce our good news to others. We went through the entire pregnancy cautiously optimistic. Finally, on October 23, I had a cesarean section due to pre-eclampsia and my little miracle, Rainbow Baby was born.
I was able to spend 10 wonderful weeks at home with him before going back to work this past Tuesday. I missed being there but my heart sure does ache when I am away from him.
During my pregnancy, I did a really great job with maintaining my weight and actually weighed a few lbs less after delivery than I did before I got pregnant. That being said, I didn't really need to gain a lot of weight. Since we moved back to Birmingham, I lost my workout buddy and one of my best friends because she stayed in paradise (San Diego). My husband and I haven't eaten the healthiest nor have we been working out like I use to. The heaviness of my miscarriages, the burden, guilt, sadness and heartache weighed on my shoulders and though we tried multiple diets, medications and gym memberships, the weight never stayed off.
Things are going to change. They have to change. I have 2 boys that I want to dance with when they get married. So, we are starting the Keto diet and beginning to work out and utilize our gym membership again (after a hot hot minute of not using it).
I am tired of being embarrassed of how I look. I know that I should seek God and find my validation and confidence in the fact that I am a child of God, daughter to The King. But I know that He expects more from me. He has given me a body and I need to do a better job of taking care of it. I need to do a better job of helping my husband take care of his and a better job of being an example to my boys. I'm so thankful my husband loves me for me and loves the way I look. I can be sitting on the couch in mismatched pajamas, no makeup (and believe me, you don't want to see that), and hair sticking up all over the place, and he will still tell me he thinks I am beautiful. All I can do is turn my head in embarrassment and disbelief or tell him to "get outta here with that". I know he gets frustrated with me but the struggle is 31 years of not believing in myself and hating the shape I was in (man, if I had only known then what I know now ;) ). As silly as it is, I want to be a trophy for him. I want him to be proud that he is married to be and think hes not just thankful because I can cook or take care of his boys or support him but because "damn she is gorgeous".
So, anyway...its time to shape up. I plan on updating this blog more often and posting about progress and daily life (babies, food, workouts, pictures).

Baby Steps are Still Progress

Well, my diet is still going and I am down 12 lbs in 3 weeks. My blood sugars are under better control (no more extreme highs or extreme lows-I was waking up in the 30's and some times lower than that. Very scary and very dangerous). The food isn't that bad - it's not the typical diet food. But I do crave a large pizza to myself every once in awhile bahaha. But I've averaged 4lbs/week the past 3 weeks and I am motivated to lose the additional weight. So....small steps, one at a time, are going to get me to my goal.
Ryder has started soccer and he seems to really enjoy it. I love watching him out on the field. Every time a coach asks "Who wants to go in?" Ryder says, "I do! I do!" Every time a coach asks "Who wants to kick the ball?", Ryder says "I do! I do!" He gets so excited when he gets to kick the ball and loves to tell others about it. He also loves to run after the ball. Now, his team is a group of 3 and 4 year olds, so its like herding cats on the field and they all just run and don't really care which direction they kick the ball so long as they kick it.

There was obviously a lot of running around in our small 32 minute game. I loved watching the kids smile, laugh and run! There were some tears but, all in all, it was a great time for everyone. Go Hornets!