"102 Minutes that Changed America"

Yesterday, Lifetime (and all of it's affiliated channels) aired a program documenting the events of 9/11. I didn't get to watch it yesterday, but we recorded it. Today, while Ryder took an especially long nap, I watched it. I haven't finished it because I couldn't. I was in 9th grade and remember sitting in Spanish class when everything began.
I didn't think I would get so emotional...but I did. Watching the smoke billowing out of the towers was absolutely horrible. I kept thinking about how horrifying it was for those poor people trapped inside. I listened to the emergency dispatchers talking to people over the phone, telling them NOT to evacuate. I can only imagine their frustration, their horror in what was going on. Knowing now, what they didn't know, what NOBODY knew, I want to go back in time and evacuate the entire buildings 30 minutes before the first plane hit. I want to tell the people on all 3 planes NOT to get on. I want to take those men and shake them, HARD. I have so much anger and I was not directly affected by them. I didn't know anyone on the flights or in the planes but this is my country, this is my home. They took something from us. They took security and safety. They took innocent lives...we can't get that back.
I had to change the channel right after they showed the explosion of the second plane hitting Tower 1. Even though I know the ending of the story, I couldn't handle it. What really sent me over was watching the people jumping out of the buildings and falling through the air. I cannot begin to imagine their desperation. How bad it must have been where they were to decide that a fall like that - the anticipation, pain, fear of the fall- was better than what they were going through. And it wasn't just one person...I guess we'll never know how many there were.
I've been thinking about what I would do and how I would feel. And it TERRIFIES me. What about my family? My friends?
I know God has a handle on everything, and, even though we feel like things are out of control, He has won the war against evil, we just have to wait until He comes back.
Still, my heart breaks and tears are falling.