Can You Feel the Love Tonight?

Listening to the lyrics of this classic "Lion King" ballad really got me thinking today. Pat and I have come so far from last summer-well from the beginning of our relationship. I could not ask for a better husband or father to my son. He makes me believe the best in people and I love sitting and staring into his eyes and to watch him sleep (is that creepy? lol) I've always like this song and use to want to dance to it at my wedding, one day. Because of choices we made, that won't happen (though I don't regret it.) Like the words of the song...It's enough for me just to be with my husband and my son-that we got this far. I don't have to have a white dress-I just wanted Pat standing next to me, and that's what I got, and that is what was important. He and I had waited soooo long to see each other. That deployment was one of the hardest things I have ever had to go through. Im so glad he came home safe.

Here are an abundance of pictures that have brought us to where we are today-as a family (though it is really only a SMALL fraction of what I have)-

Baby Bear

I started singing the chorus of this song to Ryder at night to get him to go to sleep. He has colic at night so I have to walk with him and I sing different songs to him to pass the time. I downloaded Elton John's version on iTunes, as well as some other slow Disney songs. Ryder absolutely loves Elton John's voice -I do, too- I think he likes males voices in general. The soothing music and his crooning always lulls my baby to sleep. I keep my iPod in his room and it plays his favorite songs all night and helps keep/put him to sleep. (Pretty smart idea if I say so myself, HAHA)

This song means a lot to me and I love the way Elton John sings it to my Baby Bear at night---wish I could sing like that:)

BABIES, BABIES, BABIES!!!!

As I get older, my friends and I are entering the times in our lives where we are getting married and having BABIES. Madison, Katie, Ashley and I have already had our sweet boys this year and I have three more friends who are still pregnant. One with a boy, one with a girl, and one just announced recently and so it is still unknown (YAY LAURA!)
Seeing pictures of baby bumps, ultrasounds, and pregnancy photoshoots makes me think back about being pregnant with Ryder. I am so excited for my friends to experience everything I have been through-though each pregnancy is different-It also makes me miss those experiences. I love looking at ultrasounds and thinking about the phone call where I told Pat we were having a son.

 He was soooo excited and jumping up and down. I could here him smiling from the other side of the world. I miss feeling Ryder move from the inside. Those sweet little kicks and punches that always seemed to catch me by surprise (which weren't always so sweet in the end haha). I loved sitting in the office at VS and seeing his foot push out by my ribs and seeing an elbow move across my stomach. I even miss those ANNOYING hiccups I felt at all hours of the day and night haha. Most of all, I miss seeing how much my baby had grown at every doctor appointment. I never thought I would be thankful to have diabetes, but I was when I found out that because of it I would get pictures at every appointment. God knew what he was doing 20 years ago when he allowed me to get this disease. I was able to send the recordings and pictures to Pat (on the other side of the world) so he wouldn't miss out on everything. I am so thankful that my friends have their significant others with them during this time.
As much as I miss the experiences during my pregnancy (well my 2nd trimester) I do remember all of the complaining that I did haha. It was rough in the end. That boy started to GROW and I quit sleeping and started to swell. But it was so worth it!
I love being able to walk in his room in the morning and see him smile when he sees me. I love that I can actually here him laugh and giggle and coo now. There is nothing sweeter than actually feeling that sweet baby wrap his hand around my finger.
I am so excited for my friends. You are in for the best, craziest ride of your life!
Here are a few pictures of the beginning of ours...

You'll Be in My Heart

Come stop your crying
It will be all right
Just take my hand Hold it tight

I will protect you
from all around you
I will be here
Don't you cry

For one so small,
you seem so strong
My arms will hold you,
keep you safe and warm
This bond between us
Can't be broken
I will be here
Don't you cry

'Cause you'll be in my heart
Yes, you'll be in my heart
From this day on
Now and forever more

You'll be in my heart
No matter what they say
You'll be here in my heart, always

Why can't they understand
the way we feel
They just don't trust
what they can't explain
I know we're different but,
deep inside us
We're not that different at all

And you'll be in my heart
Yes, you'll be in my heart
From this day on
Now and forever more

Don't listen to them
'Cause what do they know
We need each other,
to have, to hold
They'll see in time
I know

When destiny calls you
You must be strong
I may not be with you
But you've got to hold on
They'll see in time
I know
We'll show them together

'Cause you'll be in my heart
Yes, you'll be in my heart
From this day on,
Now and forever more

Oh, you'll be in my heart
No matter what they say
You'll be in my heart, always
Always

 

A Moment to Myself

My thoughts are all over the place at this moment, so...I'll just write in the order that they're coming...
My mom left on Friday afternoon. It was harder this time than last, I guess because we both knew it would be much longer before we saw each other again. It's with both of our families being on the other side of the country. The last time Pat's family saw Ryder, he was just about to turn 3 weeks old. He will be 12 weeks tomorrow. He has grown so much in those 9 weeks.

Right after Ryder was born

Almost 3 weeks old

11 weeks old

11 weeks old

Ryder is like a little boy now. Well, not really haha but compared to 2 months ago he is. And it makes me sad that his aunts and uncles and cousins can't see him and get to know him and see how funny he is. I also miss seeing my nieces and nephews. Carter is growing so quickly! Lily and Kemp are going into 2nd and 1st grade. Daisy and Powell are almost 4 and Blakely is getting bigger, too. I know how lucky Pat and I are to have a close family, but having a physical distance between us is hard.

I think I am going to try and take Ryder either to Orlando or Nebraska to see my family again in the next few weeks. I am also currently trying to find a free way (Space A) to get to Alabama to see my sister and my in laws. Praying that these hopes come to fruition (is that the right spelling? haha)
Friday, before my mom left, I had an endocrinologist appointment for my Diabetes. My a1C was 7.1. While I was pregnant it was 6.4, so it is slowly climbing up and I need it back below 6. I am starting to check my blood sugar more each day so I am not constantly chasing them. I KNOW what I have to do. My problem is actually doing it. But it's not just about me anymore. If something happened to me, I have no idea what Pat would do, haha. He is lost when it comes to getting Ryder to stop crying and to go to bed:) But I love seeing him hold his son. It is one of the sweetest things in the world. And I love seeing Ryder smile when I go to pick him up. So I am taking my Diabetes head on and I'm going to kick it's a** and control it and not let it control me.

While on FB tonight, I found a link on a friends page to another blog. It broke my heart to see the pain this little boy is in. Immediately, my heart started praying...not just my words...but my soul sent prayers to God for Tripp. There are so many things that could have "happened" to me or Ryder...that could still happen to any of the three of us...but God is faithful and has blessed me with so much. I'm posting the link to this blog and asking that you will also pray for Tripp.

http://randycourtneytripproth.blogspot.com/

Well, I am off to bed and thanking God for all the things he has blessed me with.

Love you all.

Grammy is HERE!!!

MY MOM CAME TO VISIT!!! I am so happy to have a familiar face around AND an ADULT to talk to haha. We picked her up Sunday night from the airport. She was sooo happy to see her first grandson:) She came from out of a crowd with her arms open ready to take Ryder in her arms.



It was so good to see her hold him again. She was just barely able to hold back tears. She couldn't believe how big he had gotten! 12 lbs 5oz. as of last week when we went to the doctor.

On Monday, my mom and I went to the mall and walked around with Ryder. We stopped by H&M and got me some clothes. It was so depressing to realize how much weight I gained during my pregnancy and how much weight I have not lost since then. I'm in a bit of a funk since that so I'm still wearing leggings/yoga pants and shirts.

I had an interview this morning with Buy Buy Baby. I think it went well but who knows. The district manager said they would call me back by mid week next week. I am so torn about it so I just prayed. If I am supposed to go back to work then God will open that door for me. If I need to be home with my baby boy as a stay at home mom, then that door will stay shut. If that's the case, I'm going to take classes to try and get into nursing school and an at home course to get certified as a wedding/event planner. We'll see (more prayers are welcome.)

Tonight, my mom babysat and gave me and Pat a gift card to go out to eat (what a deal!) We went to PF Changs for dinner. Pat had never had the lettuce wraps before!!!! Can you believe it?! Those are the only reason I go there!!!! I could eat them as my meal. Pat liked them, too. After dinner, hubby and I went to see "Horrible Bosses" It was HILARIOUS but definitely not a movie you go see with your grandmother haha. Pat and I laughed and laughed (and are still laughing). It was nice to get away and have a grown up conversation about something other than a baby, though we did miss him. But my mom loves just sitting and holding him and feeding him.

It is so nice to have her here to help me. It makes me miss my family so much. Sometimes, I wish I could go back in time. It's so strange to me that no matter how hard we try to slow things down, the world keeps on turning and we can't go back. Having Ryder makes me realize everything that my parents have done for me and the sacrifices they made for me, especially because of the Diabetes. I wish I could go back and treat them better than I did. But I can't. All I can do is apologize and change the future. It's amazing how a mommy and daddy, no matter what their children do, will always, unconditionally love their babies. And it's amazing to me that that kind of love is only a fraction of how much God loves us.
Anyway...tomorrow I am going to the gym because this is just another movie where Jennifer Anniston shows how amazingly gorgeous she is and I'm tired of not looking like that haha...diet and exercise....it's a lifestyle change...soooo, I'm on a mission...Mission Impossible hahaha im kidding--I WILL get healthier and lose weight/tone up....

1 Has a Cold...2 Can't Sleep

Poor Baby Bear has a cold:( Early Thursday morning, we had brought Ryder into bed with us. At 4am he woke me up with his squirming and couldn't breathe. My heart stopped and then I switched into SuperMom mode. I thought it was a bad dream at first and yelled at him to wake up (my yelling woke up Pat). Realizing he was awake and not dreaming I grabbed him up and flipped him over and stated hitting his back. This unlodged some mucus and I was able to suck it out with the bulb thing. Boy, he did not like that. Once he was able to breathe, he let out a huge shriek. It reminded me of the little high pitch yell when they pulled him out of me...but scarier this time. I sat in bed with him and justheld him close to me and cried. Pat asked if I was okay and if I wanted him to hold Ryder. I just couldn't let him go. I rocked him back to sleep and stayed up watching him.
Pat got up and got ready for work. I put Ryder in his swing and made Pat breakfast-constantly checking to see if Ryder was breathing. He was. Pat left at about 6:30 am and I picked upRyder and turned on the TV. He was stuffy and congested. I assumed it was just because he had cried and screamed for so long. It wasn't. The stuffiness got a little worse. I called the doctor and they wanted to see him right away-One Problem....I DONT HAVE A CAR. So we scheduled one for the next afternoon. I called Pat and he was able to leave work to come take us to the pediatrician. What a great hubby/daddy he is! We rescheduled and went to the doctor.
I was concerned about fluid being in his chest (since he was in the NICU for a week because of that) but the doctor said everything was clear. They checked his oxygen level. At first, it was only at 82%--Mommy almost had a panic attack. Another nurse came in and checked his levels on his wrist and it was 100%. So...we are just making sure to use a humidifier and saline/suction bulb. (He hates that) and watching him.
Today, my little man is doing much better. He made up yesterday for all the sleep he has missed since he started feeling bad and slept through the night again last night and is back on his schedule today. I AM SO RELIEVED.
Pat and I have also started to notice little brown hairs being left behind in Ryder's crib and in our bed. Baby Bear is becoming a Blonde Baby Bear :) In a way I am sad because I absolutely love him with brown hair. Thats MY baby. But I am very excited that he will have blonde hair like his mommy and daddy did. In pictures, it looks like he's balding but it's actually just little blonde hairs growing in:) His brown hair is actually blonde on the bottom half, too. It's so sweet.

Look at that sweet boy's smile:)

I finally recieved Ryder's cloth diapers in the mail two days ago! They are so cute, but I am still not sure if I am willing to commit to the work they involve for the blowout diapers. Maybe if I get a few more liners so I don't have to wash one everytime I change him. They are absolutely adorable, though. And so much softer on his skin than disposable. But, the disposable hold more "liquid". Ryder has a tendency to make his diapers "leak" within 30 minutes of changing him, so I have to use boosters in the cloth diapers. I'm thinking we might continue to use disposable but also use the cloth ones, too. Who knows, we just have to keep trying:)