What If...

As you read this, I am afraid it is going to come across wrong so let me preface it by saying I am ABSOLUTELY 100% HAPPY with where I am and with my family and 150% in love with my husband and son...but, what if...
Still, I don't know of a little girl who doesn't dream about their wedding when they grow up. About the beautiful white dress they will wear...about their daddy walking them down the aisle and giving them away...about seeing their soon to be husbands face when he sees her all in white for the first time...about the first kiss and the first dance...about the cake. Lately, I have been thinking a lot, recently, about what I missed out on...what if...
When Nick Lachey's wedding came on tv, I started crying and had to change the channel. I can't watch "Say Yes to the Dress" or even "Bridezillas" without feeling disappointed and crying a few tears. I don't know what it is. I do not regret anything because I COULD NOT imagine my life without Ryder. He is my life and I love him to death...but what if...
What If....
I believe that God works out everything for the good of those who believe in Him and He definitely has. Our "situation" has brought me closer, not only to God, but to my family. I have had to rely on Him and them more than ever as I went through my pregnancy without Pat. I think God had planned for us to get married...but our decisions led us to that marriage without a wedding...and sometimes I can't help but feel like I missed out...